Annie’s Journal
By Annie Donnelly
Dec. 2, 2024 – Hello Everyone. Here’s a question: when we were younger, what did we learn about love? Did we learn that love is performance based – if I do everything perfectly, I will be loved?
Having to be perfect to be loved is one of the worst things to believe. Certainly, our world rewards us when we do things perfectly whether at home or school, at work and even at church. An allowance, certain privileges, good grades, a raise, a promotion, being elected to positions – these rewards are often the ways we measure our worth, our value, our self-esteem.
We may believe these successes make us worthy of being loved, make us loveable. We may even do loving things in the hope that we’ll be loved in return. But, this isn’t what God’s love looks like.
Before we ever heard about God, He loved us. One of the most quoted verses in the Bible says: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)
And let’s not forget John 3:17 – “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.”
No matter who we are or what we’ve done, 1 John 1:9 says: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
We don’t need to strive to earn God’s love. He had it waiting for us before we were born! Every moment of every day, His love waits to be received by us. We don’t have to prove ourselves or be perfect to receive it. We don’t have to win it. We don’t have to wonder if we’re good enough. We just need to believe God’s words are true.
Our Creator’s love is different from our human ability to love. His love transcends every worldview. God is love and He loves us dearly. This is wonderful news! Let’s talk to Him about this in prayer today. He’ll be listening. Amen.
JOIN #TeamUpWalk
Nov. 27, 2024This is about an initiative from the Concussion Legacy Foundation Canada to encourage Veterans to take daily walks to foster physical and mental health. Walking not only boosts your mood but also improves brain function.
In the veteran sphere, there has been a lot about brain health and traumatic brain injuries and how VAC has been denying claims saying there is no evidence linking concussive explosions, such as IEDs, to brain injuries such as Post Concussion Syndrome. I have a few appeals right now, as they are referring to us for assistance now. Once I determine the best way forward with these claims and appeals, I will bring forward. There is a lot of research in the states about how it does affect white matter in certain areas of the brain.
If you come across any veteran struggling or was denied a claim, please feel free to reach out to me. There is great support from this organization.
VAC will likely still deny a claim for Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) as this is the injury itself, similar to knee injury vice Osteoarthritis of the Knee, and a medical diagnosis will be needed, such as Post Concussion Syndrome.
Stay tuned for more info in the future. In the meantime, here is a link to their website. https://concussionfoundation.ca/
Submitted by Michael Jacobs, written by Betty-Jean Murray
No Contact for the Holidays:
Protecting Your Mental Health May Mean Staying Away
By Christine Korol, Ph.D., Registered Psychologist, Nov. 26, 2024
The holiday season often paints the picture of family gatherings full of joy and togetherness, but for many, it’s a season fraught with tension, conflict, and emotional strain. While gatherings can offer warmth and connection, they can also reopen old wounds, trigger anxiety, or even put individuals in emotionally or physically unsafe situations.
As a psychologist, I’ve helped many patients face the difficult decision of stepping away from family events during the holidays. This choice—whether temporary or permanent—can be one of the hardest decisions to make. Yet, for some, it’s a necessary step toward safeguarding mental health and breaking cycles of toxicity.
When Boundaries Aren’t Enough
Before opting to forgo holiday gatherings entirely, it’s worth considering whether healthier boundaries and communication can make family interactions manageable. Techniques like assertiveness, mindfulness, and empathy can sometimes defuse tension and empower individuals:
Be direct but kind: Phrases like, “I’m not comfortable discussing that” or “Let’s change the subject” can help set clear limits with pushy relatives.
Practise patience: Staying calm amid provocations can help you weather difficult moments without taking them personally.
Lean on mindfulness: When baited by antagonistic comments, staying present and breathing deeply can prevent reactive outbursts.
Tap into compassion: Trying to see things from a family member’s perspective—considering their fears or the information they consume—may foster empathy and reduce anger.
Take the wind out of their sails: Refusing to argue in the first place can often de-escalate. For example, if you have a gloating relative after the election, you could say something like, “Well, I want what’s best for everyone, too and now I’m on board and hope that he does good work for the country.”
However, these tools don’t always diffuse a situation. When attempts to set boundaries repeatedly fail or interactions escalate into harmful territory, taking a break—or even going “no contact”—may be the best option.
Signs It’s Time to Step Away
Choosing to distance yourself from family isn’t about punishing others but protecting yourself. Here are some clear signs that no contact might be the healthiest choice:
Severe emotional distress: If gatherings consistently leave you feeling depressed, anxious, or even suicidal, it’s time to reassess.
Physical safety concerns: If someone’s behaviour makes you fear for your safety, avoidance is essential.
Attacks on loved ones: If your partner, children, or chosen family are subjected to verbal or emotional harm, stepping away becomes necessary.
Failed boundaries: If repeated efforts to address issues only escalate conflicts or lead to retaliation, the situation may be untenable.
Estrangement Isn’t Uncommon
Family estrangement is more prevalent than most realise. Research by Karl Pillemer, author of Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, reveals that 27% of Americans have cut off contact with at least one family member. While no contact can reduce stress and improve mental health in toxic relationships, it often comes with grief, guilt, or feelings of loss. Therapy can be invaluable in navigating these complex emotions.
How to Handle the Holidays Alone
If you decide to forgo family gatherings, focus on what you’ll gain, not what you’re leaving behind. Here are some ways to make the holidays fulfilling:
Create new traditions: Host a friends’ potluck, volunteer, or indulge in a cozy movie marathon.
Prioritise self-care: Use the time to relax, reflect, and engage in activities that bring you joy.
Connect with others: Reach out to friends, join community events, or participate in virtual holiday celebrations.
Limit social media: Avoid triggering posts, like photos of gatherings you’re skipping or idealised depictions of other families.
Remind yourself why: Write a list of what you won’t miss—criticism, toxic remarks, or emotional manipulation—and revisit it when doubt creeps in.
Exiting Gracefully
When stepping away, avoid dramatic announcements. Abrupt declarations can heighten conflict, especially with volatile family members. Instead, consider using neutral, low-conflict excuses like:
“Work is overwhelming, and I can’t take time off.”
“Travel is too stressful this year.”
“We’re keeping it quiet and local this holiday.”
This approach can help you withdraw without escalating tensions.
Finding Peace on Your Terms
Choosing no contact is never easy, but it’s a powerful act of self-preservation. While it may bring initial challenges—feelings of loneliness or guilt—it can also pave the way for a calmer, more joyful holiday season.
If you’re grappling with this decision, consider speaking with a therapist. They can help you explore alternatives, process emotions, and create a plan that feels right for you.
Above all, remember this: the holidays are about peace, love, and renewal. Sometimes, protecting your mental health means redefining what those values look like—and giving yourself the gift of distance.