Dealing with a Mid-Life Crisis
Is there such a thing as a mid-life crisis? Probably. It’s just hard to pin down, because we cannot precisely define ‘mid-life’, or ‘crisis’. It is more likely that we go through stages of awareness, which may create a series of mini crises. Like earthquakes, a series of small jolts are probably better than one big one. It can happen both ways.
Consider the fact that for most, the years of our twenties and thirties are taken up with becoming established in the world. Hopes and dreams often revolve around intimate relationships, getting a home, starting a family, and becoming successful in a career. Everything seems to be building towards a future. Working and raising a family makes for a demanding schedule, and it is easy to get so caught up in it all, that we scarcely notice the passing of the years.
Suddenly, although you still picture yourself as twenty-six or thirty-two, you look into the mirror and there is a forty-five-year-old staring back at you. The children are no longer ‘children’ and will soon be off living their own lives. You realize the ‘future’ you were building for is here and now. However, it refuses to stand still. You look around at graying seniors, and realize, perhaps with horror, that one day that will be you.
This is when the potential for a mid-life crisis is at its highest. You cannot help but begin to evaluate the life you have lived thus far. You may see victories and successes, but also have losses and regrets. You may realize that in keeping your nose to the grindstone, you have sacrificed some joy and some fun. Often there is a strong to desperate need to recapture or recreate some vitality and excitement. This is a good thing, especially if it means getting in shape, caring for your health, developing new interests, and savoring good times with friends and family.
The impractical sports car or steamy affair is only a temporary fix, although the latter ‘breaks’ more than it fixes. The mature, healthy response to life ‘crises’ is to sit down with loved ones, talk about how you are feeling, and work together to set new goals. Only this time, the goals need not focus on the future, so much as they need to address how you want to live each day, right here, right now. This is it. Make the most of it.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.
Annie’s Journal
Written by Annie Warner Donnelly
Oct. 9, 2024 – Hello Everyone. During these months of rest and recovery, I’ve had time to think about many things. Watching my husband lose his battle against the ravages of cancer in 2022 and then spending five months in Tanzania earlier this year, has filled me with images and events worthy of consideration in a thoughtful way.
I’ve always known that everything we experience changes us in some way. It’s vital to our mental and emotional well-being that we understand the facts of each event before we allow the changes and consequences that our emotional responses bring to take root in our lives.
An illustration of this can be seen in how two people, experiencing the same event, can have different responses. One’s way of processing the event leads to a positive mental and emotional outcome; the other’s way leads to an outcome that negatively impacts other areas of his or her life.
Every image we see, every event we experience is worthy of consideration in a thoughtful way. We can call this self-reflection to achieve self-awareness: choosing to thoughtfully look for answers inside of ourselves rather than quickly blaming others or circumstances for how we feel.
In 2014, John C. Maxwell wrote a book called, “How Successful People Grow”. The book’s back cover says, “Here you will learn what it takes to strengthen your self-awareness, broaden your prospects, and motivate others with your positive influence. Combined with discipline and determination, the instruction in this book will help you become a lifelong learner whose potential keeps increasing and never gets used up.”
Good questions are the framework of self-reflection. In Chapter 4, Maxwell writes about “Setting Aside Time to Reflect”. Here are some questions he shares to help us improve our relationships.
“Do I value people? Do people know that I value them? How do I show it? Am I a ‘plus’ or a ‘minus’ in my most important relationships? What evidence do I have to confirm my opinion?”
Valuing one another is just one of life’s events worthy of consideration in a thoughtful way. Together, let’s start with the events of Thanksgiving. Amen.